🔗 Share this article Navigating my Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved many, largely pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners again. Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet someone who provides a life-changing chance to you through mirroring what you want completely … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and recognize the value of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.