The Advice given by A Parent That Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good place. You must get some help. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate among men, who often absorb negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a pause - going on a couple of days away, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."